babies were throwing up all over the place
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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