Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
