You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
