My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
