Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
