i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
This is classic penis vs brain.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
