I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
