Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
