My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She even gives head with a lisp.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
