Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
