Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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