The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize