Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
