I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
