i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize