I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
