nut hugger
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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