Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
