I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
