Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
