Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I seem to have left my pride at pride
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
