i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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