Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
NoShamevember. You game?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
