we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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