I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
