sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize