her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
She told me I should be a condom model.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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