Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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