his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize