So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
