I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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