Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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