I accidentally burped into my bong.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
