Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
