My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
