I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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