I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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