Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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