i think my tv is drunk
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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