I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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