Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
