you have to choose: penises or morals?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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