You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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