Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
