Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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