it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
