The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
