Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
it's like heaven, but drunker
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
