I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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