I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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