Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
