i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
