I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
