So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I can't put those talents on a resume
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
