we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
