After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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