i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
