I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
dude. I can hear the air.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize