foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
