i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
