I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
