Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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