today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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