i think my tv is drunk
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
