yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
